Act or React...

Was it yesterday? Or the day before? I guess it doesn't really matter. What does is my mind, was the reaction to a video. It, the video, showed a man holding a door for a woman carrying grocery bags. She doesn't acknowledge his act of courtesy. So, what does he do? He, the gentleman that he is, grabs her by the arm, pulls her back thru the door, shuts the door and walks away smiling. The thing so confusing to me was how many seemed to cheer the man on. Don't get me wrong. Gratitude is important. But if a person does something simply to be recognized and praised, then that is all he will gain from the act. 

I'd wager most people don't see this life as the end of their existence. And I'm probably going to get some flak on that. If that offends you, stop reading. I believe life is eternal. Life doesn't end here. Eternal - and yes, even this part of life seems that way at times. Seconds can last so long, though days pass so quickly. But it's in the seconds, in the momentary exchanges, that life takes place. So to make this personal, that's my life and yours. And my life matters. It matters in the sense that what I do with it in those momentary exchanges is deterministic. Not as a theory might suggest, that acts of the will, occurrences in nature, or social or psychological phenomena are causally predetermined by something external to them or myself. Rather, what I do will determine the outcome of my life in an eternal sense. I, what I do, or my life, may not have an immediate effect in the world as a whole, however, it will affect me and those with whom I interact directly and, much more importantly, upon the eternal direction of my life. 

So, if someone doesn't express gratitude. That's on them. Your reaction is on you. I'm still learning. Hope you are too.

If not me then who...

 It is important to forgive oneself. How to accomplish that can become a hill that's difficult to get over. Hard? Yes, but not impossible. Here are suggestions that can make it easier. 

1. Practice self-acceptance. We can't ignore our faults or stop trying to improve, but we must learn to value ourselves and recognize that, although we’re imperfect, we're good people, faults and all. We must focus more on the good in ourselves than the things that upset us.

2. Be realistic in our own expectations. All are, as previously mentioned, imperfect and that includes me and you. We must be open to see our imperfections and not be too hard on ourselves because of them. See them as stepping stones not as stumbling blocks. And although it's been said that in the hands of a craftsman, a pile of stones can become a cathedral, cathedrals can be cold and drafty. I'd rather live in a warm, well built cottage. It's important to focus on our possibilities and accept them and not on what we can’t do.

3. Forgive and forget. We learn by our experiences, including our mistakes. We shouldn't let the fear of making a mistake stop us from attempting things. Remember that all experiences make us who we are. Regret can assist in making future choices, however, we must forget any resentment or negativity that often accompanies poor choices and press forward, embracing our choices for improvement. 

4. Let go of things we can't control. For example, we have no control over what other people do and say to us, but we can control how we our react. We must follow our own self assuring purposes and stop living our lives to simply please those around us. Don't accept the "gifts" of harsh criticism. Remember a gift doesn't become a gift until it is accepted. We only have a limited space to store things, we shouldn't allow that space to become filled with material we can't use.

5. We can find answers, but we must accept that most of them don't find their origin in ourselves. That is a perspective too often overlooked. We must be able to view ourselves objectively. And in all our striving, we must accept that help most often comes from a source external to ourselves. For me one of the best ways to take a step back and adjust perspective is by reading the scriptures. They can help gain a better understanding of the most important things in life and to find the strength to forgive myself and begin moving forward.

6. Finally, remember that success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal. Accepting and forgiving oneself is a journey, not a destination. We will continually make mistakes, but they are only stations along the way. Don't get off the train to take up residency.

...Is It Really?

FIRST OF ALL LET ME SAY THAT I AM A PROPONENT OF OUTLAWING TEXTING DRIVERS. However, I am not in favor of using the might-makes-right method of advocacy. The use of unrelated materials to promote a point of view. After some research, I feel that a photo similar to the one below was used erroneously to emphasize the case against texting and driving.

The accident was reported in the July 29, 2005, edition of the "The Record", New Jersey’s second-largest daily newspaper. Thus, the accident occurred on Thursday, July 28, 2005 and was reported as follows:

"Friday, July 29, 2005
FRANKLIN LAKES – A Westchester County man died Thursday afternoon in a crash on Route 287.

"Joseph Gianelli, 58 of Irvington, N.Y., was pronounced dead at the scene after his Chevrolet Corvette struck the rear of a tractor-trailer at about 1 p.m., near milepost 65, state police said.

"The truck, operated by Clouis Oquinn Jr., 52, of Virginia, was parked on a northbound shoulder when the Corvette plowed into it. Oquinn was not injured, officials said.

"The crash was under investigation Thursday evening."

There is no mention of texting in the news report, and texting while driving wasn’t a common problem in 2005, especially for older individuals. Hence, it would appear that the texting story being posted and reposted on Facebook is manufactured using an unrelated graphic photo to punch up the story. The news report is damaging to the assertion of the captions for the story/picture claiming the accident was the result of texting while driving. Further evidence of the fallacious use of the photo is the claim the man’s head was found in the back seat of the Corvette. Corvettes, however, do not have a back seat.

So I would say, be honest with your posts, However, I must still agree - DON'T TEXT AND DRIVE.

LIFE MATTERS

Yesterday a friend posted something on Facebook that dealt with a subject that involved the acceptance of theories all of which are not universally applauded. To which another friend commented, "Hog wash!" To me, that attitude describes one of the failures of American society today. We should be allowed, we must be allowed, to disagree, however, the manner in which it is expressed is very important. Rudeness in speech and action should and must be avoided. I have had some experience in this area.

I was a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (some of you reading this will ask "Mormons?" My answer would be "If you wish.") After two years in the field, I was assigned to work with a man I respected and from whom I learned much. We experienced many things together. One of the most challenging was the eviction from our apartment without notice. Warm and comfortable one day, on the street the next. We made it our job for the next week to find housing. We even accepted the unfinished attic of a church for a few days. Our common difficulties seemed to draw us closer. United against a common enemy. Or so we thought. It was during this challenging time that we developed the habit of being sarcastic with one another. Our district leader cautioned us, but to no avail. We assured him we just liked joking with each other. And so we continued. The "jokes" becoming sharper and sharper. Soon we weren't that united front any longer, but a fractious pair. Words can hurt! Not perhaps as a punch in the face or a stomp on a bare toe, but they can scar another person's mind, if repeated often enough.

After reading the hog-wash comment and for some reason unclear at that moment, this verse from Genesis came to my mind. "And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it."

Now that garden, that holy place, is literally no longer. However, in a figurative sense and perhaps in a very significant way, it can still exist. It can exist as our personal garden - the environment of our personality - the attitude we present in dealing with our fellow brothers and sisters in this sojourn through life. We need to learn how to dress this garden and how to keep it. Significantly the manner in which way we treat and speak to friends or strangers is a reflection of how we keep our garden. Have we chosen to labor diligently in our interpersonal relationships allowing us to stand in a beautiful garden, a cool refreshing place filled with fragrant flowers. Or have we chosen to neglect the way we present ourselves to others and find ourselves inviting them to a nearly barren and unweeded plot, one choked with thorny plants and ensaring vines? How we keep our garden or that place we choose to stand in is important. Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS church stated in April 2013: "Standing obedient and strong on the doctrine of our God, we stand in holy places, for His doctrine is sacred and will not change." And have His teachings not instructed us to be kind to one another? (See New Testament, Ephesians 4:29-32) By obeying His teachings, or standing in a holy place, taking such a stand will enhance our lives in the eternal sense.

Eternal - and even this life seems that way at times. Seconds can last so long, though days pass so quickly. But it's in the seconds, in the momentary exchanges, that life takes place. So to make this personal, that's my life. And my life matters. It matters in the sense that what I do with it in those momentary exchanges is deterministic. Not as a theory might suggest, that acts of the will, occurrences in nature, or social or psychological phenomena are causally predetermined by something external to them or myself. Rather, what I do will determine the outcome of my life in an eternal sense. I, what I do, or my life, may not have an immediate effect in the world as a whole, however, it will affect those with whom I interact directly and, much more importantly, upon the eternal direction of my life.

This life does not come abruptly to an end with the death of the body. Life is an eternal function of self. It is, therefore, important to acquire, through good choices, an attitude of loving forgiveness and tolerance. I've got more to say about that, but it will have to wait for another day. Suffice to say that if such a life directing choice shortens the duration of my life in this realm of existence due the actions of another person, it has not shortened my life in an eternal sense. This realization came to me as I stood in the clutches of an irate man one afternoon in Pforzheim, Germany. But that's still another story. My choice to respect those with whom I interact will, however, give me some advantage in the next stage of my existence. For God, my Heavenly Father, by scripture, is love - a loving eternal being and the individual whom I aspire to emulate. And because this life is not a dead end, my actions here must reflect my eternal aspirations. Simply stated, in the eternal sense, your actions cannot hurt me but mine can. If I accept His injunction to become as He is (See New Testament, Matthew 5:48,) I must wisely choose to be kind to those around me, "oft [speaking] kind words" to my brothers and sisters and allowing the ripples of kindness to encircle the earth one life at a time.

Let us oft speak kind words to each other

Like the sunbeams of morn on the mountains,
The soul they awake to good cheer;
Like the murmur of cool, pleasant fountains,
They fall in sweet cadences near.
Let's oft, then, in kindly toned voices,
Our mutual friendship renew,
Till heart meets with heart and rejoices
In friendship that ever is true.